


Will you--

by notmeagain



Category: DCU (Comics)
Genre: Crack Fic, Established Relationship, Fluff, Humor, Idiots in Love, M/M, dumbasses too in love for their own good, it might even be an AU, like this is definitely crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-12
Updated: 2018-07-12
Packaged: 2019-06-09 04:15:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15259233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notmeagain/pseuds/notmeagain
Summary: “Clark is planning on proposing," Bruce said.“That’s great!”“It is not.”“Why?” Dick asked extremely confused.“Because I need to do it first."





	Will you--

**Author's Note:**

> something out of the superbat discord that's had me thinking about it for days
> 
> edit: corrected some spelling and grammar mistakes

_Proposal #5 —At the Manor_

 

Bruce was panting hard beside him clearly exhausted after multiple rounds of magnificent love making. He looked over at the man he desperately wants to be his husband all sweaty and flushed. He smiled brightly. This was his chance.

“Bruce,” he whispered gently into his lover’s ear.

“Mmm?”

“Will you—”

A flash of painfully blinding light and Bruce was sprinting out the door with the sheets hastily wrapped around himself.

“I’m going to get you one of these days!” he swore.

“Not if I get you first!” Bruce yelled back.

Clark groaned as he settled back to their bed shaking off the remnant effects of the light bomb Bruce apparently kept in his bedside drawer. They’ve known each other for years and yet Bruce still found ways to surprise him.

 _I can’t wait to marry him_ , he thought giddily followed by thoughts of, _ow ow ow my eyes ow ow it hurts so bad ow ow ow._

 

 

 *

 

 

_One month ago—At the BatCave_

 

“Bruce, I need your help with—” Dick stopped mid-sentence to gape at the display on the multiple screens of the computer. “What the hell?”

Bruce grunted in lieu of greeting.

“I know you love Clark and all, but this is just…” Dick stared at the array of surveillance footage and pictures of Clark in the past six months. “Weird.”

He translated Bruce’s answering grunt as _No, it’s not, you’re the weird one._

“So, why’re you spying on Clark?” He went over to where Bruce sat and leaned his elbows on top of chair’s headrest.

“Clark is planning on proposing.”

“That’s great!”

“It is not.”

“Why?” He deflated. Did Bruce not want to marry Clark? No, that was insane. If there was anything constant about all the universes it was that Bruce loved Clark and Clark loved Bruce. There must be a more ridiculous, illogical and definitely childish reason.

“Because I need to do it first,” Bruce gritted out.

 _There it is_ , Dick rolled his eyes. “You can’t just do things normally, can you?”

Bruce started typing. The images on the screen switched open and close and moved around.

“Bruce?”

More typing. The screen, to the untrained eye, looked like it was spazzing out.

“And I’ve lost him.” Dick sighed. “I’ll see you later, B.”

His ever-loving mentor and father figure ignored him.

Before he could leave the Manor he decided to call Clark. Maybe try and do damage control before any damage could be done. Clark picked up on the first ring.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Clark.” He cleared his throat. “Just giving you a heads up. Bruce knows about the whole proposal thing.”

“What?”

“Yeah. And he’s planning on popping the question first. So, if you could just—”

“Thanks for telling me,” Clark said abruptly. It sounded like he was scrambling for something.

“Oh, good,” Dick said. “You’re not going to make this into a thing, right?”

“Sorry, Dick. I have to go, um—” There was a sudden crackle like the sound of air rushing through.

“Clark, where are—”

“Gotta go to the Fortress now! Thanks and bye!” Clark said before hanging up.

“Oh boy.”

 

 

 *

 

 

_Proposal #18 —At the Daily Planet Office_

 

Clark was busy. He has been running around the office all day and to be honest his brain was turning into mush every second. The last thing he needed was his boyfriend-- soon to be fiancé-- barging into the office in full _Brucie_ mode being his usual distracting self.

So, he did what anyone would do and fled immediately. He headed straight to the elevator with a stack of papers, just so he could look like he was going somewhere.

“Clark!” Bruce exclaimed jovially.

Clark pressed the close button over and over, careful not to break it.

Just as the doors closed Bruce got his hands between the doors and pried them open. He entered the elevator smoothly the megawatt smile never leaving his face.

“Going down?” Bruce asked.

“Up, actually.”

“Perfect.”

There was silence filled with cheesy elevator music.

“Since we’re here.” Bruce makes a move to something from his pocket. “Will you—”

“Not here you don’t!” Clark shot upward out of the elevator at full just as the doors opened leaving Bruce to suffer the consequences of a broken elevator cart papers flying everywhere.

 

 

 *

 

 

_Three and a half weeks ago – At Wayne Manor_

 

“I don’t get it,” Tim said during breakfast. “Didn’t you already have a plan for proposal stuff?”

“I did not believe we would reach this stage in the relationship to plan for it beforehand,” Bruce said still tinkering with whatever it was on his tablet.

Tim didn’t know what to say. He was positively surprised.

“That’s a little sad,” he pointed out while stirring his coffee.

He looked at Bruce across the table to see he was already too engrossed in whatever he was doing on his tablet to even have heard him.

 

 

 *

 

 

_Proposal #27 – At an outdoor Wayne Enterprise event_

 

Bruce invited Clark as his date for the charity luncheon at some country club. He put a calming hand on the small of Clark’s back.

“Ever going to get used to this?” he whispered.

“Not if I can help it,” Clark answered smiling nervously.

“Yeah, the press sure can be—”

“Before you continue that thought. Let me remind you you’re sleeping with the press.”

“Some would even say I’m in love with the press.” He smiled. “Positively smitten with the press. Some would even go as far to say that I’m—”

“Okay I get it,” Clark interrupted quickly. A blush already dusting his cheeks.

“I’m glad.”

Clark laughed quietly as they continued to walk around surveying the outdoors.

“Clear sky today,” he commented lightly.

“Nice day out for Gotham,” Clark agreed.

There very visible in the clear blue sky was a plane. A plane that was looping through the sky curving in every which way with smoke coming out at the end. It looked like the start of a sentence. People were starting to notice the writing on the sky and started looking up and chattering about it.

“What did you do?” Clark hissed under his breath not taking his eyes off the skywriting plane.

“Let them finish and you’ll find out.” When Bruce turned to look at his almost fiancé, he was gone.

He looked up at the sky again to see the skywriter got all the way to _W I L L  Y O U  M A R,_ before a mysteriously strong wind blew it all away.

He caught a glimpse of a red cape in his peripheral and suddenly Clark was back at his side looking nonplussed and deceptively casual.

“I’ll get you back for that.”

“I look forward to it.”

 

 

 *

 

 

_Three weeks ago – On top of a rooftop_

 

“Are you and B having a fight?” Nightwing asked as he perched precariously on the ledge.

“No,” Robin answered curtly eyes never leaving the city below.

“Then why’d you come patrolling with me?”

Robin huffed.

“Come on.” Nightwing nudged. “Tell me.”

Robin sighed. “They annoy me.”

“Everyone annoys you.”

“Yes, but the incessant proposals at every opportunity adds to it.”

“Oh, that.”

“Yes, that.”

“I think it’s cute.”

“Because you don’t live with them,” Robin said curtly.

“And aren’t I glad for that.” Nightwing beamed at the little Robin and trapezed into the night.

Robin followed suit.

 

 

 *

 

 

_Proposal #29_

 

Clark lured Bruce to the home theater for a supposed Gray Ghost marathon. They were going to start from the first episode and halfway through the third one the screen would glitch and would display Clark’s proposal prominently on screen.

The plan should’ve been full proof if he wasn’t dating the world’s finest detective.

Before the message could even be displayed Bruce threw the remote at the TV shattering it right in the middle.

Clark gaped at Bruce who just looked directly ahead.

“You’re unbelievable.”

“In the middle of Gray Ghost?”

“I thought it would be romantic.”

Bruce smirked. “It would have been.”

“Unbelievable,” he couldn’t help the touch of fondness in his tone.

He looked back at the damaged television. When he turned his head back to Bruce, he was gone.

“Typical,” he said to the now empty room.

 

 

*

 

 

_Proposal #35_

Bruce invited Clark to have lunch together at one of their favorite diners. This plan was the simplest one yet. He hoped the simplicity would make it unidentifiable.

The lunch went off without a hitch until the dessert.

“Aren’t you going to eat the pie?” Bruce asked.

“I don’t really feel like eating pie.” Clark pushed the plate to the middle of the table.

“It’s your favorite.” He pushed the plate back to Clark.

“I’m full.”

“It’s a special order.”

“How about you eat it.”

“It’s your pie.”

“I’m giving it to you.” Clark pushed the plate back firmly in his direction. “It’s your pie now.”

Bruce was about to give a detailed argument as to why Clark should eat the pie and eat the pie right now when Clark got a call about a lead on a story he was working on. He let Clark go and was left sitting alone in the booth.

When Clark was out of sight Bruce’s phone dinged indicating a new message. It was from Clark. It read;

_I x-rayed the pie._

 

 

* 

 

 

_Two and a half weeks ago—At the Kent Farm_

 

“I think it’s silly,” Ma tutted. “I don’t understand why you two have to go through all this hubbub.”

“You know him, Ma.” Clark smiled cheekily. “He likes things complicated.”

“I swear I’ll never understand the way you two do things.”

“He’s very complex.”

Ma gave him an amused smiled and another helping of pie.

“I think I’m running of ideas though,” he said after a bite.

“How about you just spell it out in the cornfields over there?” she joked.

“That’s a great idea, Ma!”

Ma sighed, she didn’t know if she wanted to laugh or throw her hands up in the air in exasperation.

 

 *

 

 

_Proposal #49_

 

They were lounging at the study one Sunday morning. Bruce was reading something in a dead language and Clark was rifling through his notes.  He thought about what Ma said about the cornfields, but Bruce wouldn’t budge on going to the farm. It’s probably because Bruce knew exactly what he was up to.

Clark decided now was as good a time as any.

“Bruce.”

“Yes?”

“What's in the lead box you’ve been carrying around, recently?” he asked conversationally.

“Kryptonite,” Bruce answered not missing a beat or lifting his eyes off the book.

Undeterred Clark continued on, “Do you want to know what’s in the little box I’ve been carrying?”

“No.”

“Well—”

“Oh, look.” Bruce sat up and looked out the window abruptly. “It’s the Batsignal. I have got to go. Bye.”

Just like that Bruce was already out the door before Clark could even get the ring out.

“It’s nine in the morning!” Clark shouted after him. “Bruce Wayne you come back here and let me propose, god damn it!”

Clark heard the engine of the Batmobile roaring as it sped away.

 

 

 *

 

 

 _Tw_ _o weeks ago—At the Batcave_

 

“Are you doing this perhaps because of your fear of commitment?” Alfred inquired politely with a hint of judgement.

“I’m not afraid to commit to Clark,” he scoffed. “I’m afraid of a lot of things but being married to Clark Kent is not one of them.”

“Recent events may point to the contrary.”

“It’s all going to work out in the end,” he assured Alfred.

“If you’re sure, sir,” Alfred said in that tone of his that meant he still thought it was stupid, but he’ll let him do it anyway just so he could have first-hand knowledge of how stupid it was.

 

 

 *

 

 

_Proposal #58_

Bruce was about to propose in the Watchtower.  They had monitor duty together. It might not be the most romantic, but Clark looking down on Earth with that look of utter awe and warmth on his face makes him want to go on his knees.

He was close too and Clark had no plausible way out until Hal Jordan comes into the room and pointed at Bruce’s half kneeling position.

“Are you gonna propose, Bats!” Hal’s face had the look of disbelief and glee.

Bruce turned to him with a glare.

“Nice catch, Hal!” Clark said as he gave Bruce a wink and flew out of the room.

“Sorry.” Hal held up his hands not one bit apologetic. “I’m on Clark’s team on this one.”

Bruce just glared at him harder.

 

 

 *

 

 

_One week ago – At the Red Hood's hideout_

 

Jason was coming back from a really long stakeout that ended in a violent drug bust. He could have done without the extra enthusiastic henchmen though. He greeted his safe house very glad to be back to a place he can safely face plant into a mattress.

He entered his living room and knew there was something wrong.

“What are you doing here, demon brat?” He didn’t even bother anymore. He didn’t have the energy to deal with this kid. He went to the kitchen.

“I need advice,” Damian said sounding very bothered that he had to ask him of all people.

“Romantic troubles?” he teased.

“No.” Damian’s frown deepened. “Not exactly.”

“Are you and Colin having a fight?” Jason rummaged through his fridge.

“No.”

“Then why are you here?”

“Father and the alien have been trying to propose to each other in exceedingly irritable ways.”

“They’ve been at it for weeks,” Jason pointed out picking up a soda and taking a long swig. “Why do you care now?”

Damian grumbled something under his breath.

“If you can speak a little louder that’d be great.”

“They’ve been using Titus and Batcow for their stupid proposals.”

“What?”

“I found Titus one evening in a ludicrous outfit for one of Kent’s plans. The very next week I find Batcow being used as a prop for one of Father’s stupid stunts.” Damian stomped his foot. “They have no right!”

“Sounds horrible.”

“It is!”

“Have you tried talking to them about it?”

“Now, is not the time for jokes, Todd.”

“Yep. You’re right. Sorry, I said anything.” Jason laughed. The bats actually talking? Hell would sooner freeze over. “Find a way to finally get them to say yes to each other, then. I mean that’s what it’s all leading to.”

Damian was quiet for a moment as if thinking deeply about something. Then his face lit up which looked exactly like how Bruce’s face would when he finally figured something out. It’s kind of creepy. Like a smaller Bruce. Bruce Lite.

“Brilliant!” Damian declared.

“Why, thank you,” he graciously accepted the compliment.

Damian rolled his eyes. “I’m brilliant not you.”

“You’re the one coming to me for advice.”

Damian stopped paying attention to him and headed for his window.

“You can leave through the front door,” he reminded him. “You’re not going to do anything stupidly violent are you? Demon brat? Damian?!”

Without even a backward glance or a thank you, Damian jumped out of the window.

He thought about calling someone to warn them about whatever Demon Spawn was planning. He decided against it. They could deal with Damian. Probably.

 

 

 *

 

 

_Proposal #83_

Clark wanted to go traditional. Bruce had the night off after Alfred’s insistence and he decided to just go for his original plan. There were candles, food, and flowers. The whole cliché. It would give romantic comedies a run for their money. There may also have been quiet violin music playing in the background.

“What’s all this?” Bruce asked smiling a little.

“Wanted to do something romantic.” Clark shrugged grinning sheepishly.

“I like your suit.” Bruce eyed him approvingly as he took his seat. “You look good enough to eat.”

“Thanks.” He blushed despite himself. “Speaking of eating. I got all your favorites.”

Bruce raised his eyebrows. “All of it?”

“All of it.” He threw off the cloth covering the food revealing a most watering array.

They talked all throughout the meal catching up and laughing and flirting. Footsie was definitely played under the table. As dates go this was by far one of the best they’ve ever had. That includes the one where they stargazed for hours at the farm.

From the table they made their way to the garden where they sat on a bench comfortable with each other’s presence. They sat so close together that Bruce’s head was on his shoulder, and his arm around Bruce’s waist.

“Bruce.”

“Clark.”

“You’re pink from the wine.”

“M’not,” Bruce pouted.

“And maybe a little tipsy too.” Clark smiled. “How’re you feeling?”

“Sleepy.” Bruce murmured. “Probably from all the food and the wine. It was lovely by the way.”

“You’re so easy to please.”

“I know a lot of people who would disagree with you.”

He could feel Bruce’s laughter shake through him as well as his own.

“Bruce, I have to ask you something.”

“Mmm.”

Clark finally got the ring he’s been carrying around out of his pocket. He was just about ready to ask when he heard a soft snore. Bruce has fallen asleep against him.

 

 

 *

 

 

 _Three Days ago_ — _Up shit’s creek_

All plans for marriage proposals were put on hold when a brand new super powered villain declared world domination. They were too busy saving the world to properly woo one another romantically.

Throughout the battle Clark and Bruce both thought about their immense love for each other and how at the end of all this mess they’d stop this proposal game. Whoever asked first. They’d say yes. Immediately even without prompting.

The answer will always be yes.

I do.

Forever.

 

 

 *

 

 

_The Night Before– In the Wayne Manor Master bedroom_

Bruce and Clark crawled back home bruised and tired. They were coming back right after a battle with entities seeking to take over the world. The elation of a fight well won did not abate the exhaustion. The pair of them didn’t have the energy or even think to enact one of their proposal plans and went straight to bed snuggling each other under the covers, letting themselves drift off to sleep.

While they were sleeping Damian snuck inside their room and took their engagement rings from their respective hiding places (in Clark’s sock drawer and his father’s vitamin pill bottle), slipped them on to the person they were meant for, and left as quietly and unnoticed as he came.

 

 

 *

 

 

_Present – In the Wayne Manor Master bedroom_

 

In the morning, Clark woke up before Bruce which was nothing at all unusual. What was unusual was the engagement ring he found on his finger. He looked at Bruce’s sleeping form, rumpled and peaceful, and felt his heart soar. He dropped a light kiss on Bruce’s temple before heading down to the kitchen thinking of something special to make for his -- finally official-- fiancé.

When Bruce woke up he immediately noticed the shiny new engagement ring on his finger with no memory of ever being proposed to. He smiled to himself as he admired the ring.  He looked for his phone, so he could tell his secretary to cancel all his plans for the day. He also called Perry and asked him to give Clark the day off. Clark wouldn’t be too mad about that he supposed. They needed to do something special today. They did get engaged.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> be gentle with me this is my first ever superbat fic. yikes am i rite?
> 
> hope u liked it even just a little bit!


End file.
